


Making The Nice List

by TeamKalinda



Category: The Good Wife (TV)
Genre: Christmas, Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-23
Updated: 2013-12-23
Packaged: 2018-01-05 19:43:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1097863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeamKalinda/pseuds/TeamKalinda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Potential spoilers through 5x10. </p>
<p>Kalinda goes grocery shopping on Christmas Eve. </p>
<p> <em>She was just about to choose between the bottles she’d selected when something across the aisle caught her eye: a woman in a red coat browsing discriminatingly through the wine section. It was the Governor’s wife.</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	Making The Nice List

**Author's Note:**

> I tried really hard NOT to write this. The writers focusing on Kalinda’s pain regarding the end of her relationship with Alicia without Alicia facing some fallout from the situation as well is actually one of my biggest current pet peeves with _The Good Wife_. I feel like this piece, for what it’s worth, offers Kalinda a bit of agency in the situation with Alicia that the show never has. So, at least there’s that.

She had a bottle of tequila in one hand and a bottle of scotch in the other. Anyone that knew her wouldn’t have been the least bit surprised. 

Grocery shopping on Christmas Eve hadn’t been one of Kalinda’s brighter ideas, but, as usual, she’d put the chore off until the last possible moment. A single wrinkled lime, 2 frozen corndogs and half a plate of stale sugar cookies that had been forced upon her following the lackluster ‘LG’ Christmas party just weren’t provisions enough for surviving her ritual holiday hibernation. 

The soccer mom that had almost killed both of them in an attempt to acquire a coveted parking place was currently threatening to turn Santa away if her child didn’t stop whining. 

A teenager on a cell phone was rummaging through a picked-over display of gift cards. _“Well, how much did she spend on me? I don’t want to look cheap, but I’ve got other people to buy for, too.”_ Tis the season for giving…just enough and not a penny more. _“Does she even like Starbucks?” _Ah, a carefully considered gift with a personal touch.__

__“Happy holidays!” piped a salesclerk who was undoubtedly receiving some kind of holiday bonus to remain so cheerful. “MERRY CHRISTMAS!” came the entitled, holier than thou response from the customer she’d just assisted._ _

__Not for the first time, Kalinda wondered if it was just her general cynicism or if people really were awful in general and getting worse all the time. She was just about to choose between the bottles she’d selected when something across the aisle caught her eye: a woman in a red coat browsing discriminatingly through the wine section. It was the Governor’s wife._ _

__Once her best friend, her only real friend – that’s who Alicia Florrick was to Kalinda now: the Governor’s wife and, during work hours, a name partner at Florrick, Agos & Associates, the bane of her own employer’s existence. There was, obviously, so much more to Alicia than that, but Kalinda wouldn’t allow herself to think about those things. She couldn’t. It still hurt too badly. _ _

__Alicia had caught everyone off guard by leaving Lockhart/Gardner with Cary and his disgruntled band of misfits to start their own firm. She had to do what she felt was right for herself, of course, regardless of what that meant for anyone else. This was a methodology Kalinda wasn’t unfamiliar with, but even her own greatest hits generally tended to leave less obvious destruction in their wake. In the immediate aftermath; Diane lost her judgeship, Will lost his mind and Kalinda realized she’d lost Alicia’s friendship, precarious as it might have been, for a second time. It was almost too much. Unsurprisingly, Diane was the only one of the 3 that seemed to have handled the situation well. Kalinda tried not to think about it and Will did nothing but. It was Christmas Eve; Kalinda was considering purchasing enough booze to open a corner bar and Will was, inevitably, either out getting a matching tattoo with his latest fling or working on his misguided, unrealistic plan for world domination – neither really being preferable to the other._ _

__For her part, Alicia looked content, and, despite herself; Kalinda didn’t begrudge her that. She was happy for her. Deep down, Kalinda knew she’d always want the best for Alicia even if it came at her own expense. It would have been a lie, too big of a lie for Kalinda to convince herself of the veracity even with her best efforts, to pretend that she didn’t miss her. She did, every day – every time she needed a drink to unwind after work, every time she had a bad day, every time she had a good day, every time. The worst part wasn’t even that there would never be anyone that could fill that space the same way Alicia had, and Kalinda was certain of that, but that she still didn’t understand how it had happened._ _

__If, following the reveal of the secret she’d kept, Alicia had never wanted anything to do with Kalinda again outside of the requirements of their jobs; that would have been understandable. But Alicia had approached her, asked her if she could be more forthcoming; they’d been working on it. It was obvious they were never going to have what they’d once had but it had meant something to Kalinda. It had meant a lot. Everything. If Alicia had changed her mind – if she felt what they had wasn’t worth working on anymore – couldn’t she have at least told her that rather than just withdrawing from her life entirely with no explanation? Didn’t Kalinda deserve at least that much? Maybe not. Maybe Alicia wanted Kalinda to be as blindsided as she had once been herself. Maybe it was only fair. Somehow it hurt less to think of Alicia’s actions as purposefully punishing rather than carelessly negligent._ _

__Kalinda knew she could nonchalantly pass by and wish Alicia a merry Christmas. She could congratulate her on the new firm. Anything she said would give her the opportunity to read her face, to gauge her reaction, to try to understand what had happened between them._ _

__But, no. Speaking to Alicia now would be selfish. Whatever her reasons, an ongoing relationship of any kind with Kalinda was not something she wanted and to try to force it, even in the politically correct form of the exchange of pleasantries would be for Kalinda’s sake only. She wouldn’t do that. Some time ago, before Kalinda had even been aware it was happening, Alicia had walked away from their relationship. Now, Kalinda would do the same. It was for the best and she could accept that now. The memories might be bittersweet, but they would always be treasured. That was something worth holding onto. The frustration and the pain were not._ _

__Kalinda took a deep breath and placed both of the bottles of alcohol in her cart. She exhaled slowly as she turned away and with her breath an aching tension lifted from her body. She was doing the right thing and this time it had been her choice. As she neared the checkout lanes her phone began to buzz in her pocket. The caller ID read ‘Big Shot FBI Lady,’ undoubtedly customized by Lana’s own hand sometime during a previous tryst._ _

__“Have you been good this year, Kalinda?” A sly smile played at the corners of Kalinda’s lips._ _

__“I’m doing my best.”_ _


End file.
